What is a modern Filipina mom?
Who is she really, that Filipino mother who’s ‘in’ with the times, neither old-fashioned nor traditional? In these days post-feminism and post-modernism, I often wonder if the Filipino woman’s view of motherhood, or herself as a mother has changed from the time of our grandparents and Jose Rizal’s Maria Clara.
I don’t attempt to say I know all that it means to be a modern Filipino mother, but here are my thoughts anyway, based on my experiences and from watching countless moms around me.
What makes a modern Filipino mother?
1. We are career-/business-oriented. Quite a number of us married past 25 years old, a few years beyond college and maybe have a graduate degree under our belt too. We tasted working in the field, outside the home and know what success means. We have ambitions in the workplace; we want to excel in the business. Whether you’re working full time, part time, or staying at home, most Filipino moms have some side/home businesses going on - that’s why Tupperware parties are still a hit, Avon is a well-known brand, and blogger-moms are a plenty. In line with this, we are financially-savvy - we know a good deal when we see one, we’re not afraid to venture on a new business opportunity, or let go of a failing one. Our personal financial ambitions are not to make millions, but to provide for our family well, alongside the husband or in the absence of.
2. We value our self-worth. We take care of the way we look and carry ourselves. We take pride in our accomplishments and know how to accentuate our assets. Even when we only stay at home, we try to put on earrings and we comb our hair. Filipino women, especially, will take a shower everyday.
One of a woman’s constant struggle is defining herself based on her children/family (a man typically defines himself by his job/ accomplishments). We are aware of this struggle, so we constantly find ways to be our own woman - we have hobbies; a set of friends who may or may not talk kids all day long; we find ways to improve ourselves or our craft; we are not (or try not to be) put down by put-downs. And we fight for our rights. We are not threatened or intimidated by the male species, but view them more as equal partners and co-supporters. Our sense of submission now equates to respect.
3. Family comes first. Still . Always. At the drop of a hat, we will give up everything for our family - husbands and children, parents and sibs. In spite of our climb to success, most Filipino moms will end up sacrificing our dreams for the sake of having our children nearer to us. That’s why more and more career women decide to stay at home once the children come. True, because most have children at an older age, we have attained a level of success in our fields. But maybe because of that, we do not feel de-valued when we give up the career to stay home with the children. Gone are the days when the “yaya” (nanny) is the surrogate mom.
4. We educate our children well. We know what’s going on in our children’s schools and we actively participate in their education. From toddler to college, we enrol them in summer classes, short courses, sports, camps, VBS, etc. Sometimes, we get so overzealous about this, and become the first to be frustrated when our second grader fails to be number 1 in class, for a semester. Why? We only want them to have better opportunities than we did, and we want them ahead of the curve, as early as possible.
5. Housechores get a different take. If you’re privileged to have a housekeeper, as most Filipino homes do, then the bulk of labor goes to the maid. However, unless you’re absolutely clueless, you still maintain management of the home. If you don’t have a maid, then this is more about you and me - we consider chores the responsibilty of everyone. The (modern) dad is very much a part of it now. Male/female boundaries to chores and tasks are almost non-existent. Both can wash the laundry and fix the plumbing. Both can do the groceries and buy a car, or even a house. We see tasks/chores based on abilities, not gender. The children see this too, and benefit from it. Most will teach their boys how to cook and sew, and their girls to hammer or use a wrench.
6. Despite all modernities, we still value the old . We keep family traditions and rituals. We ask for and expect our children to respect the elder. Our view of love, marriage and sex are still in that order. Putting our parents into a nursing home is foreign to the Filipino family. And though we think men and women are now on equal footing - whether at home, in the career, or decision-making - the modern Filipino woman’s heart still craves for the romance, respect and attention that our ancestral Malays enjoyed. Meaning, flowers and a soft kiss to the hand still have the same goose-bumps effect.
The modern Filipino mother is of course, much broader and more complex than the above. We have learned a lot from the past generations, when our parents grew up in the war/martial law era and viewed life and the future differently than ours. We have gone through phases of national prosperity and economic downturns, a world at peace and yet with rumors of wars. We have had two woman presidents and know the huge difference of having a man in charge of the house. All these shape who we have become. And we love it just the way it is.
Tags: Filipina, filipino woman, mother, mom
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POSTED IN: General: Philippine Culture, Home and Family, Personal Experiences
May 18th, 2007 at 8:43 am
[…] What is a modern Filipina mom? Grace of Filipina Soul shares to our readers from all around the world her observations. […]
June 30th, 2007 at 8:13 pm
hi, I am glad I stumbled upon your blog. This is very timely–it has to be shared with all other Filipina moms.
Coming out of a bad experience lately, we now have a crusade to change the image of the “Filipina woman” in the internet.
Please view: http://dine.racoma.com.ph/blogging/a-closure-a-new-beginning-reshaping-the-online-and-sexy-filipina-image/
I am including your site in the list.
June 30th, 2007 at 8:16 pm
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August 1st, 2007 at 7:28 pm
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August 4th, 2007 at 7:48 pm
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March 13th, 2008 at 8:59 pm
I am not really sure what planet you come from or where your head is. Re: ‘If you’re privileged to have a housekeeper, as most Filipino homes do’. Well actually most most Filipina women don’t have a home at all, most live in squatter areas, entire families living in plywood packing crates with tarpaulins draped over the top as a roof. This is cleary visible when you fly into manila and look out your plane window. It used to be clearly visible when driving from the airport to the city, but the manila city council have implemented an urban beautification program, no doubt to falsify (improve) the Filipino image too, by building a huge concrete block wall all along the highway, to obscure the filipino images of the squatters living in abhorent poverty. This is nice for the affluent Filipinas living on the other side of the highway in million dollar mansions, their image is now well maintained and they are safe, not having to confront actual reality, they can shelter behind their sculpted ‘Filipina image’, while instructing the maids about household chores.
The class distinction in the Philippines is a cankerous blot on the ‘Filipina Image’ manufactured by the affluent minority who call themselves the Filipina Womens Network, but who are in actuallity not Filipino, but mostly a American citizens, who are ashamed of their heritage and where they came from. The really sad thing is that the real and true Filipina, those who cannot afford an image, those on the other side of the road, the uneducated, unhomed, uninformed, unfed true citizens of the Philippines, they actually look up to you people and aspire to be be like you, God forbid!
If you actually want to help the Filipina, then forget the image, concentrate on the reality, squeeze into your shorts, don your flipflops and sleeveless and walk accross to the other side of the road and feel the crushing, heartbreaking non-image, of human garbage that you are ashamed to look upon, your brothers and sisters!
Well good luck with your imagary, your whited sepulchre, your self delusionary agenda, your media manipulation, your hiding of the truth; good luck, because you will need it, for I assure you that truth will find it’s way to the top of the Google heap and the world will wonder why such respectable American Filipinas pulled the wool over the eyes of the world and inhibited the dispatching foreign aid, that these human beings so dearly need. Not a pretty picture it’s true, but far better than a pretty picture that is untrue.